a bit tired

Oh come on now, you knew I wasn't going to withhold comment on this one forever:

Yessir, we folks here in California are well on our way toward a real honest-to-goodness, old-fashioned, darned-tootin' Recall Election if there ever was one (and there wasn't). So what to do, my friends? What to do?

First off, if you are a member of the press, we here at amit.asaravala.com kindly request that you stop making Total Recall references when referring to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not only have we heard it already (about 830 times the last time we looked) but we're also getting a bit tired of being reminded that our next governor may well be someone who once used to lift weights. In the nude. For a living. (Oh go search for the pictures yourself; this is a family show, dammit.)

Nevermind history, though. The publishers of this site are not the sort to look down their noses at someone's past or present profession. (Or at least when we do, we try not to stare too long.) Indeed, we believe it's this open-mindedness that has allowed us to do some long, hard research into porn star Mary Cary's bid for the governship. If you haven't been keeping up, this is the woman who has been poo-pooed by the press for offering to go on a dinner date with anyone who donates at least $5,000 to her campaign. But, we wonder, how is this so different from a $2,500-a-plate dinner with George W. Bush? (Sure, our President may no longer be a looker, but he's still a tease.)

Speaking of looking down our noses at candidates, did you know that it's not too late to order a Gary Coleman for Governor thong? We've been wearing ours all day and, my god, when will the chaffing stop?

Oh, we could go on and on about all the other Sideshow Bobs who have found their way into this race but, really, Larry Flynt jokes are just too easy to come by these days. Besides, that wouldn't leave us any room to talk about our friends, the Democrats. And what better way to start a discussion about California Democrats than to ask, where was this man on the day we all learned that the thumbs-up sign had gone out of fashion? It must be nice to be able to run into the people who used to beat you up on the playground and say, "Hey guys, I'm the Governor. For another six weeks. No really. Stop that. Hey, I said stop that!"

So who does that leave? Ah, yes, Cruz Bustamante. Cruz, Cruz, Cruz -- rather than showing up at the courthouse in a pricy, gas-guzzling Hummer or getting all the local network affiliates to cover your flashy pep rally, you chose to hold a press conference on the sidewalk of a middle-class neighborhood not too far from Sacramento where we presume you put together the fiscal plan that you presented to us that day (on CSPAN of all places). You explained all the dull, dull details about how you'd deal with the state's $8 billion deficit, and you even stuck around long after your advisor had told everyone that there would be more questions so that you could answer every last query -- even the tough ones, like how you felt about the issue of gay marriages. Heck, you even did it in clear, concise English. And Spanish.

Can you believe the nerve of that cheeky monkey? As if we actually cared about "the issues!"

Cruz, the truth is: we've got nothing on you. You're so serious that it frightens us. Perhaps you could pick up a nickname just to keep things lively. How about Cruz 'Busty' Bustamante? No? Okay, how about Cruz 'I - would - kick - Arnold's- ass - in - this - election - if - the - dumb - people - in - this - state - didn't - really - believe - that - he - actually - was - the - Terminator' Bustamante?

Oh come on, it could work. No? Oh, okay, you're probably right -- we nutty Californians wouldn't know what to do with a governor who had a plan that actually made sense.