armchair anthropology

I've been trying to come up with a short list of the most important things I learned in 2006, so I can keep up what I started last year (based on Jeff's idea.) But I wasn't able to come up with anything really interesting -- it was one of those years -- until I saw a post over at Bluishorange about the insanity that is office small-talk.

I, too, used to despise office small-talk -- thought that it was dull, pointless, irritating, a sign that god is dead. You know, that sort of thing. I was the master of avoiding it. In the mornings, I could slip into the break-room unnoticed, fill my mug with coffee, and sneak away quietly like a ninja. In the hallways, I'd maintain course and breeze past you even if it looked like you were slowing down to really tell me how your New Years' was. And if you tried to strike up a conversation about your weekend plans while standing in the bathroom, I'd give you a look that left no doubt about which Circle of Hell I thought you should go spend some time in.

But over the past year, I've started to see how small talk really has very little to do with what's being asked or said. Hearing that your coworker did "you know, not a whole lot, just hung out with friends" for New Years' or telling the guy in the marketing department that you "hope the weather holds up this weekend" isn't really the point.

Rather, it's all about social protocol. The whole "nice day out, huh" exchange in the elevator is really about saying, "Hey, I'm human; I acknowledge your presence and that you're human, too; I speak your language; I'm not going to attack; Oh, and I acknowledge that there's this thing called the Sun outside; If we do business, I'll likely be a fairly functioning being in that transaction."

So, that's what I learned in 2006. I'm not saying that all the questions about what people did over their holiday are completely hollow or that everyone should go running around thinking they're social geniuses when they ask whether you're "working hard or hardly working." But if you ask me if I have any plans for Martin Luther King day, I'm a whole lot more likely to answer without sarcasm these days.

Oh, but I am still likely to give you a dirty look if you try to strike up a full-blown conversation in the bathroom. Because that's just weird, dude.