First, as part of

First, as part of our Saturday morning cooking show ritual, we watched the fine folks at America's Test Kitchen determine that the best tortilla chips for use in nachos are Doritos brand. (You know: "Crunch all you want, we'll make more"?) We were horrified. But, we figured, they're all from Boston; what can you expect when they keep comparing Mexican food to Taco Bell?

Then, Julia Child and Jacques Pepin did their little bit as they always do -- this time teaching us the fine art of tossing a Caesar salad. (Did you know that Caesar salad isn't named after Julius Caesar, but rather a Tijuanan chef named Caesar Cardini?) As they crushed the garlic for the crutons, Jacques and Julia bickered over whether they should add all the mashed garlic to the salad or just drizzle the "essence" over the crutons. Jacques is a fan of the garlic, you see; but Julia, being the more senior chef and a fan of subtlety in cooking, put a quick end to the argument... or so she thought. When she wasn't looking, Jacques scooped up the rest of the garlic on the edge of his knife and dropped it into the salad bowl in one quick motion. He did it without flair, without saying a word. In fact, it was the sort of thing you might have missed if you weren't paying attention. But thanks to the Tivo, we were able to back up and catch that slight turn of a smile on his lips. You sly dog, Jacques.

Finally, we watched Michael Chiarello make some risotto. (But the fact that it was risotto isn't really important.) He was going on and on, as he tends to do, about his beloved Italian homeland. This time, he was talking about the train system. How wonderful, how romantic, how inclusive, he was saying. But, you see, I've been on that train system and it was certainly not wonderful. The night we spent standing for six hours in a crowded, smoke-filled compartment headed toward Rome was anything but romantic, and maybe a little too inclusive -- maybe one slight step above the Indian train system and just as comfortable, I'd say. So now, I ask you, how can I ever trust Michael Chiarello and his risotto again?