How hot is it?

How hot is it?

So hot that Accuweather mocks all of us with their silly little thermometer icon.

So hot that the fan in my computer is making that sort of funny wheezing noise that makes you think it's time to back up all your files again.

So hot that chewy granola bars really are chewy.

So hot that the flies have mysteriously disappeared.

So hot that I've been reduced to blogging about the weather.

So you'd like to

So you'd like to think that you're cultured enough to live without television, wouldn't you? I mean, when acquaintances begin to talk about Trista or Bob or those sickly, sickly girls on that top-model show, you always smirk and roll your eyes, am I right? You hate it when people refer to Rachel and Ross without clarification, don't you? And so if the cable access that you had happened to be getting for free for the past four years just finally happened to get shut off last Thursday at 4:37PM, you'd probably just go on living your life as if it didn't matter, no?

Yeah, you're the sort of person who would feel that they were better off for it, I bet.

Heck, you wouldn't even miss that cute Justine Shapiro on Globe Trekker or the witty banter between Chris and Bridget at America's Test Kitchen or your smart friend Jon over at the Daily Show. Oh, you'd probably forget all about how Dave is so much better than Jay, right? And you wouldn't even bother to think about how much it's going to cost to get your basic service turned back on, or what you'll do with yourself until the cable company gets the signal going again, or even if you're somehow about to be punished severely for all those free years of coming home to that sweet, sweet, wonderful telee.

Nah, you're the sort of person who'd just pick up a book. Or unclog your drains. Or cultivate a new allergy.

And frankly, honestly, candidly, you're probably not someone I would hang out with a whole lot. I just don't see it happening. No sir. People with too many allergies make me suspicious.

Am I the only

Am I the only one who launches a browser window and then realizes that he's forgotten what he was going to look up? I guess it's a bit like walking into a room and then forgetting why you were headed there in the first place, but still...

Why didn't anyone tell

Why didn't anyone tell me that my site was messed up when viewed in Internet Explorer? And why are you people still using that poor excuse for a browser anyway? Go get Mozilla or something.

Jeff has gone online.

Jeff has gone online. Well, he's always been online, but now he's got a blog. Go visit him.

The problem with the

The problem with the post-wedding thank-you note is that you can't ever be sure if the thankee received it. I mean, it's not like your Uncle Morty is going to seek you out at the next family reunion just to say, "Hey, I never got your thank-you note." Likewise, you can't call up your Aunt Edna to ask if she got your note yet. To do so would throw all social rules out of wack, so to speak. And so, instead, you've just go to keep your fingers crossed in hopes that the postal service delivered your note without incident. And you've got to pray that Edna's giving you the evil stare only because she's crazy, and not because she's feeling like you snubbed her on the thank-you note.

Of course, you could just send all your thank-you notes via certified mail, but who has the time or gall to try something like that? It's bad enough having to stand in line at the post office; making everyone else stand in line while you certify 150 thank-you notes is just asking for bad karma.

So what's the solution? "You're welcome" notes. That's right -- add another link to the chain of social niceties. With the you're-welcome note, the burden of completing the chain is back on the gift-giver's shoulders. If you send out a thank-you note and don't get a you're-welcome note in return, you get to be the one giving evil stares at the next reunion! (Of course, this also leaves room for the "No, thank you" note.)

Oh, you pretend like you're disgusted at this idea, but I know the truth. If you happened to be a junior executive at Hallmark, you'd be writing this down and taking it with you to the next big meeting. Yes, this would be your ticket to that corner office with the view, my friend.

Something seems fishy with

Something seems fishy with the news over at Excite.com...

How does Arby's still

How does Arby's still exist? I mean, who do you know that has ever eaten there? And what's with the absurd focus on roast beef?

Noooooooo! Have they finally

Noooooooo! Have they finally replaced the 1 800 Dentist spokeswoman?

"You've reached customer support.

"You've reached customer support. How can I help you?"

"I just got an email from you saying that I need to log on to the Web site, but the thing is: I never got a user ID."

"Oh. What are you trying to do?"

"Log on."

"I see. And you've completely forgotten your ID?"

"Well, no. I never had one to begin with."

"Hmm. So you don't know your user ID?"

"Correct."

"Okay, I can help you with that. Just give me a second here."

"Great."

"Okay, let's see... Can you tell me what your user ID is, sir?"