I like to think

I like to think that my hairdresser and I have a relationship. No, it's not that sort of relationship; but it's a relationship nonetheless. After all, we've seen each other nearly once a month for the past four-and-a-half years, and that's more than I've seen some of my friends.

In any case, this relationship, if you will, tends to carry itself out in the same manner each time we meet: First, I sit down in the big chair; then, she gets out her sharp instruments and puts them in my hair; as she works, we make small talk and I try not to pray too loudly for it all to go well; and finally, I thank her, fork over some cash, and am out the door again. It's a ritual that is comforting in its sameness, I suppose.

But I must admit that, lately, I've started to wonder if perhaps it's all a bit too same. Mind you, I'm not complaining about the haircut itself -- that part is fine, or at least I like to think so. But I wonder if there's something peculiar about the way our tete-a-tetes always center around the same discussion.

Allow me to explain: First, she says, "It's been a long time since you've come to visit." Then I respond, "Nah, it's only been about four weeks or so." Then she says, "Your hair must grow very fast." And here I shrug and, as if on cue, respond with, "There are worse problems to have." After this, there is a bit of silence while she nips and trims and slices, and this moment between us is only ever broken when she finally says, "Boy, you've got really thick hair." And, of course, I must shrug again and say, "Yeah, it's unruly at times." Then more silence.

Anyway, you get the picture.

So is it wrong of me to want more from this relationship? Am I just being naive in thinking that this time with my hairdresser could be so much more? Should I stop wondering if there are others out there who actually manage to have great, engrossing conversations with the people that cut their hair? You know those conversations, right -- the ones in which you tell your barber all your problems and then he or she gives you advice that is so true that one day you plan to pass it on to your children?

Anyway, that's my dilemma. Maybe someone should open up a place where you can get your hair cut and chat with a bartender at the same time. Yes, a bartender would be good. Or a psychiatrist.

Surely I'm not the

Surely I'm not the first person to make the observation that blogs are like the reality TV of the Web.

For all of you

For all of you naysayers out there, know this: Despite straying into the world of Avrille-esque melodies on her recent album, Liz Phair can still rock. And she did, last night, at the Fillmore.

How does anyone ever

How does anyone ever buy toothpaste these days? I mean, my god there have got be a thousand options. And maybe it's just that my last tube of toothpaste lasted for quite a long time, but there I was standing in the toothpaste aisle at Target the other day thinking to myself, "When did toothpaste get an entire aisle all to itself?"

Mind you, I'm a fairly tolerant person. I can certainly understand that there are people out there in this great big world of ours who, for one reason or another, need to whiten their teeth while they brush, or to fight tartar, or to rejuvinate their gums, or to grow hair, or whatever. But what about those of us who just want our good 'ol plain-Jane tube of Crest?

I think what really troubles me is all the decision making that goes into selecting a tube of toothpaste these days. Do I want paste, gel, striped, or flavor crystals? Do I want whitening, extra whitening, or super whitening? A co-branded mouthwash additive? Baking soda? Peroxide? Both?

Really, I just don't know what to think. Where I come from, you use baking soda for your volcano science project and peroxide to bleach your hair. Why would I want to put either of those in my mouth and scrub around for a while?

Worse yet, if all these various options really do have magical properties, and if you can combine them with ease -- as their hundreds of different combinations would suggest -- then why do they sell them all separately? Why isn't there just a Colgate 2.0 sitting there on the shelf with a shiny new label? I would buy that. I would be okay with that. But all this other stuff? It's too much, too much.

Here's one from the

Here's one from the did-they-really-need-to-explain-that file:

"I'm not going to lie to you - it's that 15 minutes of fame," the 21-year-old says, giving a nod to artist Andy Warhol's prediction decades ago that, in the future, everyone would be famous for that amount of time.

Yeah, that's a quote from an actual Associated Press story. It's about people wanting to be on reality TV, nonetheless.

Good lord. The grammar

Good lord. The grammar feature in Microsoft Word just suggested "welcomest" as a replacement for "most welcome."

So here's a brainteaser

So here's a brainteaser for you: How would you move a 2000 lb hunk of steel? No, that's not a question from a Microsoft job interview. It's a serious inquiry into how I'm going to get that old, rusted-out Volkswagen Rabbit that's in my garage to slide back an additional ten feet. By the way, before you go straight to the easy answer, keep in mind that no one knows where the keys are. And even if we did, they'd be useless anyway... seeing as the tires are flat and the axles are probably corroded to the point where they'll no longer turn. We just want to push it back, that's all.

How quickly does Google

How quickly does Google discover and index new sites? Seeing as I launched Spamotomy on Tuesday afternoon and the site was in Google's database the next evening, I'd say pretty darned fast.

PS: Thanks to David Han for the MSIE5.0 screen shot.

The thing with spam

The thing with spam is that it'll continue to get worse until everyone with an email address has the tools to effectively keep junk mail from ever being seen.

With that in mind, go check out my latest project, Spamotomy. Get yourself a tool to stop spam. Install it. Use it. Be happy.

Oh, and if you really like the site, maybe you'll mention it briefly on your blog / Web site / Internet experience / whatever. I would bow down to you for your kindness if you did that.

PS: If anyone is using MSIE5.0 as their Web browser, I'd also be eternally grateful for screen shots of the site.