thank you, i'll be here all week

I've been working on this theory that there are just a handful of small actions which, if observed, can reveal volumes about a person's inability to be a leader. In other words, bad leaders have "tells." If you're fortunate enough to spot one of these tells early enough, you can take action and save your group or your business or your community -- or you can simply get far enough away to save your own sanity.

One of the tells goes like this: When a very serious question or issue is placed before the supposed leader, he or she attempts to make a joke. This is often played off as "having a sense of humor even in tough times." But the truth is that it's a tactic to distract people and avoid having to give a straight answer.

Here's a real-world example, from President Bush's press conference on Thursday:

Q: Thank you, Mr. President. I'd like to ask you about the Petraeus report, which as you say, will be in September, and report on the progress. Doesn't setting up the September date give the enemy exactly what you've said you don't want them to have, which is a date to focus on, and doesn't it guarantee a bloody August? And while I have you, sir, the phrase you just used, "a different configuration in Iraq" that you'd like to see, is that a plan B?

THE PRESIDENT: Actually I would call that a plan recommended by Baker-Hamilton, so that would be a plan BH.

The transcript doesn't say it, but if you'd watched the conference on TV, you'd have noticed the complete lack of even a courtesy laugh from the crowd. The President continues speaking, but then catches himself -- and, as if on stage at a comedy club, asks the crowd, "You didn't like it?"

Not really.

And while it's a bit late -- and granted, a bit overplayed -- to be looking for Bush's tells at this point, it's not a bad time to start looking at what the various 2008 candidates are giving away about themselves. For instance, there's that certain candidate who decided that the best response to a question about taking action against Iran was to sing "Bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann".

War, ain't it hi-larious?

literalists

People say dumb things. Things they don't mean. Things that just come out wrong. Things that are exaggerated. Things that are embarrassing. And they do it all the time. It's just the nature of verbal communication.

And for most of us, it's just not that big of a deal. We usually know what the other person meant to say, or else we'll ask for clarification and will get it and will move on.

In the case of American politics, though, it seems that even the smallest slip sets off a tidal wave of gasps and accusations. Oh my GOD, John Kerry said you should get an education lest you be stuck in Iraq -- he must truly hate everyone in the military and their families!

Look, if you watch the video, it's pretty clear that he was going for some joke or emphasis and it just came out awkwardly. Stuff like that happens to all of us. In fact, if our enemies hired assistants to follow us around all day taping everything we said in public just so they could catch us when we slipped up -- as is the case in most political races now -- I'm sure we'd all be embarrassed. So can we move on?

And unless you think I'm just making excuses for the Democrats, consider that I find the outrage over Republican George Allen's "macaca" comment to be just as manufactured. Was it in bad form to publicly make fun of someone? Completely. Was Allen's possibly inadvertent use of an old East European racial slur (that most Americans have never heard) a sign that he secretly wishes the KKK would call him some time? I doubt it. (Now, whether other evidence shows he has a more deep-rooted history of racist actions is another story altogether -- but even then, "macaca" would barely have a part.)

The good news is that it seems people can actually get over an embarrassing remark. Remember McCain's "gook" comment back in 2000? (It was insensitive, he apologized, and we moved on.) I just wish we could get to that point sooner this time around. We've got an election coming up with real issues at stake. Can we get back to that? Are you listening news editors?

fact

I know the following two items have both been covered -- separately -- in the news this past week, but I think it's important to put them together and turn the spotlight on them again (seeing as there's clearly still some confusion on the matter):

1. Zogby Poll: 46% of American voters believe there is a connection between Saddam Hussein and 9/11 terror attacks.
2. Senate Report: Hussein had no ties to Al Qaeda or any other radical Islamic group and did not want to cooperate with them. (via Chicago Tribune.)

That's essentially one in two people who has the facts wrong. That's one in two people who are eligible to vote in the next U.S. election. Help spread the right information.

censorship in india

Good lord. I've just returned from the conference on international citizen journalism -- at which many of the discussions focused on overcoming government and corporate censorship (both explicit and implicit) -- and the news today is uncannily about government censorship of new media. In particular, Indian Internet service providers are blocking access to blogs at the request of the Indian government.

So the story so far is that the government only asked the ISPs to block a handful of sites, but that the ISPs had no way of blocking select blogspot and typepad sites, so they just banned them all.

In response, a group of Indian bloggers have set up a "Bloggers Against Censorship" wiki to collect and share news about the ban (and ways to get around it.)

So, two wrongs and a right:

• Crackdown on freedom of speech (by a country often referred to as the "world's largest democracy.")
• Terrible, half-assed application of technology to filter content.
• Affected group using the Web to organize, draw attention to the issue, and overcome the ban.

I'm curious to know: Why now? Is there any relation to the recent train bombings?

when brains, biology, and copyright meet

At tonight's NetSquared event in San Francisco, I listened to Creative Commons CTO Mike Linksvayer tell the story of how a group of environmentalists is working to subvert Monsanto's claim that it owns the copyright to the DNA of its genetically modified crops.

According to Mike, this group is working on cultivating related crops nearby whose DNA is licensed more openly, under the "free" Gnu Public License (GPL) scheme.

This is interesting because, according to the terms of the GPL, any work that is based on (derived from) another GPL-licensed work must also be released under a GPL license. So, if the Monsanto crops and the GPL-licensed crops were to cross-polinate and yield a hybrid crop, that would -- theoretically -- mean the hybrid was freely available.

Regardless of where you stand on Monsanto's policies or politics, or whether this would hold up in a court of law, you have to admit that this is an incredibly clever tactic.

Egads

Making a donation to the Bush campaign in my name is either the cleverest joke or the most patient jab anyone has ever unleashed upon me. Bravo, you bastard. Whoever you are.

(And a side note: What happened to Bush's wedding ring?)

(Update: The ring is actually there, but it's barely visible. Oh well.)

arnold

Today, I used the phrase it's not a tumor without invoking Arnold Schwarzenegger.

A Proposal

I'd like to propose an amendment that disallows people from proposing amendments that are based on the argument that "my god says so."

Rights

Hey everyone, look at the bigots who don't believe that gay couples should have the same rights as everyone else! How retro!

Point and laugh! Point and laugh!

Oy. There are few things that really get me angry, and this is at the top of the list.

Coalition for Marriage, my ass. Speaking as someone who is married, I can tell you this: If the fact that two men or two women want to sign their names to a marriage license somehow makes you less certain of your own commitment, you've got other issues you should be dealing with.

They Found Me

If you have a Web site and haven't analyzed your logfiles yet, I highly recommend doing so right away. For how else would I have discovered that members of the US Social Security Administration have visited my site recently? Oh yes, it's true:

128: 0.37%: s00dab8.ssa.gov
86: 0.20%: s00dad2.ssa.gov
148: 0.38%: s00ded0.ssa.gov
304: 1.05%: s3abab9.ssa.gov

As those lines from the log analysis reveal, at least four people -- or one person on four different computers, or four different computer applications -- have accessed this site a total of 666 times. Yes, 666. Now, I'm not one to believe in underworld numerology, but that's just uncanny.

My best guess is that this has something to do with my recent lament over the sad state of the Social Security system. If so, would one of you SSA folks please respond and tell us once and for all: How do you plan to repay us young folk when you've spent all that money we gave you out of our paychecks?

Security

If the US Social Security Administration is widely expected to go bankrupt by 2037, then why the heck am I paying hundreds of dollars a year out of my paychecks to support the system? And when I do retire and there's no money left, who do I contact to get a refund?

In California

Money and fame will buy you anything you want in California.

CA Senator Dianne Feinstein

CA Senator Dianne Feinstein has weighed in on the issue of voting No on the Recall and Yes on Bustamante, and she calls it a "hypocrisy." Well, what else would you expect from someone who almost got recalled herself when she was mayor of San Francisco?

What doesn't make any sense at all, though, is Feinstein's insistence that she will vote No on the Recall and leave the second half of the ballot blank. Now that's just plain dumb.

Consider it this way: If the issues on this ballot were actually split into two separate elections -- one in which you would vote on the recall itself, and one held later to pick a new governor in the event that Davis did indeed get recalled -- wouldn't you go vote in both elections? Especially if you're a Democrat?

So why throw away your second vote just because both elections happen to be held on the same day and happen to share the same ballot? The only statement you'd be making there is that you're more than ready to throw away your vote to make a statement. And like I said, that's just plain dumb.

a bit tired

Oh come on now, you knew I wasn't going to withhold comment on this one forever:

Yessir, we folks here in California are well on our way toward a real honest-to-goodness, old-fashioned, darned-tootin' Recall Election if there ever was one (and there wasn't). So what to do, my friends? What to do?

First off, if you are a member of the press, we here at amit.asaravala.com kindly request that you stop making Total Recall references when referring to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not only have we heard it already (about 830 times the last time we looked) but we're also getting a bit tired of being reminded that our next governor may well be someone who once used to lift weights. In the nude. For a living. (Oh go search for the pictures yourself; this is a family show, dammit.)

Nevermind history, though. The publishers of this site are not the sort to look down their noses at someone's past or present profession. (Or at least when we do, we try not to stare too long.) Indeed, we believe it's this open-mindedness that has allowed us to do some long, hard research into porn star Mary Cary's bid for the governship. If you haven't been keeping up, this is the woman who has been poo-pooed by the press for offering to go on a dinner date with anyone who donates at least $5,000 to her campaign. But, we wonder, how is this so different from a $2,500-a-plate dinner with George W. Bush? (Sure, our President may no longer be a looker, but he's still a tease.)

Speaking of looking down our noses at candidates, did you know that it's not too late to order a Gary Coleman for Governor thong? We've been wearing ours all day and, my god, when will the chaffing stop?

Oh, we could go on and on about all the other Sideshow Bobs who have found their way into this race but, really, Larry Flynt jokes are just too easy to come by these days. Besides, that wouldn't leave us any room to talk about our friends, the Democrats. And what better way to start a discussion about California Democrats than to ask, where was this man on the day we all learned that the thumbs-up sign had gone out of fashion? It must be nice to be able to run into the people who used to beat you up on the playground and say, "Hey guys, I'm the Governor. For another six weeks. No really. Stop that. Hey, I said stop that!"

So who does that leave? Ah, yes, Cruz Bustamante. Cruz, Cruz, Cruz -- rather than showing up at the courthouse in a pricy, gas-guzzling Hummer or getting all the local network affiliates to cover your flashy pep rally, you chose to hold a press conference on the sidewalk of a middle-class neighborhood not too far from Sacramento where we presume you put together the fiscal plan that you presented to us that day (on CSPAN of all places). You explained all the dull, dull details about how you'd deal with the state's $8 billion deficit, and you even stuck around long after your advisor had told everyone that there would be more questions so that you could answer every last query -- even the tough ones, like how you felt about the issue of gay marriages. Heck, you even did it in clear, concise English. And Spanish.

Can you believe the nerve of that cheeky monkey? As if we actually cared about "the issues!"

Cruz, the truth is: we've got nothing on you. You're so serious that it frightens us. Perhaps you could pick up a nickname just to keep things lively. How about Cruz 'Busty' Bustamante? No? Okay, how about Cruz 'I - would - kick - Arnold's- ass - in - this - election - if - the - dumb - people - in - this - state - didn't - really - believe - that - he - actually - was - the - Terminator' Bustamante?

Oh come on, it could work. No? Oh, okay, you're probably right -- we nutty Californians wouldn't know what to do with a governor who had a plan that actually made sense.